Could You Have Done This Alone?

A dear friend asked me this question the other day, fully aware of my fierce independence.

“Could you have done this alone?”

If “this” means complete the surgeries and recoveries and be alive at the end then, sure. Yes. In the same way I could survive being abandoned in a jungle in Borneo, dropped out of a helicopter an hour after a PAO. I would survive one way or another, but it would be brutal. I’d end up eating whatever bugs crawled across my lips and whatever plants and dirt my fingers could reach. None of it would be advantageous for healing or accelerating life growth, but I would survive.

I know that is not what he means with his question, though.

By “this” he means the entire transformation – physical, mental, emotional – the whole self integration. And to that, I can only sound my Whitman-esque barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world:

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

NO 

The physical part alone has required a tribe of help – everything from the intense help from family, friends, doctors, and therapists, to the kind words from strangers, friendly door holders, shoe tie-ers, and bike rides of support with friends on the Peloton. Despite getting up and doing as much as possible for myself as early as possible, regaining autonomy, I was always cared for by every one around me. Physically and emotionally.

But, as you have seen, my journey has been much more than completing surgery/recovery cycles and making my physical body whole. My full package inner and outer healing has required the entire universe conspiring to help me. The list of helpers above has grown to add authors, speakers, philosophers, recalling words of wisdom from my parents, new perspectives, and presence.

Just like I knew that I needed to feel the experience with my first daughter fully in order to heal, I grew to know that I needed to experience this to the fullest, and that would require dropping my armor, getting vulnerable, and letting people in to help.

This has been terribly difficult for an independent, hold-my-own-hand, not-needer – and something I’ve desperately needed to overcome in life. It has taken something this large to finally get the lesson and root it in gratitude.

I know that I could have survived on my own, but I’m grateful that I am surrounded by a tribe that cares for me and my success and I was not left eating bugs in Borneo. Without all of them, I would not and could not have moved from survive to thrive.

• I’m grateful for my family, for helping me put my socks on, get over that tiny lip to step into the shower, love on me even when I’ve been unloveable, and make me laugh when I don’t feel like it.

• I’m grateful for my closest friends for talking with me every day, sharing wisdom, and entertaining my silly sense of humor.

• I’m grateful for my doctor for his work, persistence, and genuine care for my success.

• I’m grateful for my therapists for being my anchors and helping me put myself back together.

• I’m grateful for everyone around me every day that offers a smile, a patient look of “I see you and I support you”, and an unspoken safety net.

As independent as I am, even I need a tribe of supporters. We all do. I am learning that more and more every day.

Life is not meant to be lived as a
Lone Wolf.
We all need a Pack.

– Abby Wambach, WOLFPACK

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