Art

I spent the first half-ish of this entire nearly three year experience living in the mostly physical realm, which is primarily why I began this blog with those parts. I want you to experience my journey similarly to how I have. Now that I am done sharing those parts, we can dig in to the deeper elements.

But first…

Why am I finally sharing my experience, writing this blog, and putting myself out there in a vulnerable way? Why did I start twice and delete twice? What is different this time? And who is this for, anyway?

It boils down to process art versus product art, vulnerability, and how that all ties into delivery.

I’ve grappled with the concept of process art versus product art for years. YEARS. As a performing musician since age 6, these concepts are a deep part of who I am and how I approach music, art, writing, vulnerability, and the creative process.

Music

As a student of music, we were told what to learn, practice, prepare, and then where and when to perform it. That carries on into the professional classical music realm, whether it is as a gig musician or tenured symphony musician. Show up, play what has been scheduled, get paid. It takes concerted effort to do otherwise – moonlight in jazz clubs, prepare and present a private recital, compose your own music, etc.

My music career was mostly product art – not as creative as one might think. Vulnerable, yes. Provoked change in the receiver, yes. But, because music was chosen for me and at such a young age, the passion was not mine. While technically masterful, I did not put my deepest emotions into it, keeping it as shallow and safe as possible. I was not ready to be vulnerable and process criticism in a healthy way.

Visual Art

As a result of years of performing on the world’s stages in this manner (product art), when I dove into visual art I promised myself that it would be just for me (process art). I didn’t want my visual art to mirror what I often see in schools – kids replicating a piece presented by the teacher, all hanging neatly in rows on the wall, 30 pieces that look nearly identical – product art. Where is the creativity in that? Who is that for? The proud teacher that sends it home to the proud parent that then hangs it on the wall, “my child is an ARTIST”? I have several such impeccably executed works on my walls so I am familiar with this game. Interestingly, my kids are never particularly proud of these pieces.

Photography

My photography has been decidedly mine. I have turned down offers to sell pieces I have finished and turned down requests to come shoot family sessions or do projects that do not fit with my personal mission, etc. It isn’t who that art was for and it isn’t what I do. I made the images for me, for the process, particularly images that required a lot of planning and complex execution. Those were for the excitement of figuring out the process, and most I don’t even deem “finished”, always left with a bit more editing to do, perhaps purposefully on my part. It is a handy excuse to be able to say “oh, that’s not even done yet, but thank you for admiring my work.” I show a few galleries on my photography website, a tiny fraction of what I have made and enjoy, but that is about as far as my delivery/presentation goes.

So I have hit the extremes.

With writing, particularly sharing this experience on this blog, I’ve had to decide where it falls on the process/product spectrum. Is writing about it for me, to process internally and bring clarity? Or is there value in it for the reader, and possibly even my obligation to share?

I have been told repeatedly that I am an outlier (I disagree, a topic for another day) and that my experience is extreme. Does this push the boundaries of what can be considered normal/achievable, similar to when the 4-minute mile barrier was broken? Does sharing in that light help others feel more settled in their own experiences?

I’m not writing a how-to guide or offering advice, but does sharing what I have done/am doing offer helpful ideas and perspectives to others? There is nothing I’ve done that anyone else couldn’t also do. I know writing and sharing helps me to tap into vulnerability, a skill I’ve spent a lifetime running away from, so there is certainly healthy benefit for me.

Let’s move on to delivery.

Seth Godin talks about unshipped art not being art. When I first read that several years ago it made me mad. I was thinking about it in light of my classical music career and the school art projects (definitely shipped), and my desire for my visual art to be process art only (not shipped). Who was he to say my art wasn’t art just because I chose to do it for me, for the process and not the product? Did sharing some of it on my website that I didn’t promote at all count? (No.) That was shipped, you’d just have to know to look for it – so there, Seth.

Upon further reading into what he means and now several years later looking at it with fresh eyes, from the perspective of a writer, I see it.

It is primarily the difference between an amateur and a professional. The professional takes the risk of delivering and that maybe it won’t work. They have defined who their art is for and committed to delivery. The professional seeks to make change and understands this can only happen if they actually deliver. Otherwise, what is the point?

I can embrace the same concepts of process AND also deliver. My process can serve me AND promote change in others, provided I am delivering it to who it is for.

Writing my story can be for me AND for you.

I can take the extremes of where I was with music and visual art and meet in the middle without compromising myself. True art creates change.

Art: the act of doing something that might not work, simply because it’s a generous thing to do. The combination of talent, skill, craft, and point of view that brings new light to old problems. The way we change our culture and ourselves.”

Seth Godin, The Practice

Why did I delete previous blogs?

A few reasons. I felt a sense of “who am I to write about this? Who cares about my story, one among many? How egotistical. Plus, I’m not a skilled writer, a person of interest, and I shut down my social media years ago so I’m basically a nobody in the public realm now.”

But, also I let fear drive.

Getting vulnerable is scary, so not writing is safer. The world wouldn’t miss something they didn’t know about. “No” is easy, “yes” is dangerous.

But how selfish, to take the gifts of my surgeries and recovery and hoard them! I feel a sense of duty to do great things with my new body and self, so that should also include sharing my story. Maybe one person will find value, and in the process I will experience coalescence.

It is time to level up and put the art out there. And if it doesn’t work for you, it isn’t for you, it is for someone else.

Ultimately, the goal is to become the best in the world at being you. To bring useful idiosyncrasy to the people you seek to change, and to earn a reputation for what you do and how you do it. The peculiar version of you, your assertions, your art.”

Seth Godin, The Practice

This blog comes from a soul level. The effort is worth the risk. I care more about the potential impact on others than hiding in fear. I am emotionally and passionately invested in this message.

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