The Power of The BFF

A strong support network is vital through all of this, no matter what that looks like. This is completely different for everyone. I’m a married mom so my at-home network is primarily my husband and kids. But some patients are high school kids living at home, or college students, or single adults, or you name it. Some have local family, some do not, some have people to care for, others do not, some have a large friend network, some do not. Some want a lot of community support and some do not. Whatever it is, love and support are important.

I’m one that does not want attention or help from many people; it just isn’t my way. I’m a fiercely independent not-needer. Back to perspective – I’m not dying or incapable. Attention and sympathy drive me nuts. As a toddler I’d hold my own hand while crossing the street, refusing the hand of a parent. This is my nature. You will not find me crying for help or saying the words “I can’t.” For me, a challenge is almost like a dare – watch me accomplish the thing, all by myself!

But life doesn’t work that way.

We are social creatures that thrive when we connect, and when we both give and receive help. I love to give help – I admire the vulnerability of the receiver and it selfishly feels good. Receiving help – that’s harder for me.

Having said all of this, there is nothing like the power of the BFF.

As far as I can tell, the best way to go through the entire hip trip is with a hip BFF. Someone going through it at the same time, someone that you can get vulnerable with and will get vulnerable with you, someone whose success is paramount to you, with whom judgment and comparison are not welcome. You are equals. You have the same doctor (this is important). And you will be best friends for life, connected by the most unlikely experience. I wish this for everyone because it has made all the difference for me. And her.

Friendship Science

According to Dr. Jeffrey Hall, it takes up to 200 hours to develop a close friendship with someone. That’s a lot of hours, especially for adults with developed lives, and especially for two introverts that shy away from social time. The good news is that it is possible to fast track such a friendship, thanks to intense situations and focus together – like hip surgeries and recoveries together. How lucky are we to have met in this most unlikely way?

I learned how to give and receive better with my hip surgeries. With the hips, we were able to give and receive together, one on one, vulnerably, understanding each other like nobody ever could. We were connected BY the hips. Having a “doing at the same time” person was critical. This wouldn’t have worked if one of us had already gone through the process and was coaching the other. The give and take, ping ponging back and forth as we took turns was key. I learned how to receive and how to be vulnerable.

Recently I have cheated myself out of the feeling of receiving. I’ve thrown my ability to be vulnerable away with bjinuz braces.

With bjinuz braces, I’ve had no “at the same time” person. Nobody to give to while receiving from. I’ve had plenty of people want to give, but I shut them all out – because I needed to also give. Giving is my gateway to receiving. Maybe because this is my final push to my summit, I need to accept the push and go solo? Ditch the training wheels of how to give and receive and just receive for once? For all my work on vulnerability over the last many months, is that what this is?

While I do not wish this surgery on my BFF, I do miss having her doing this with me. I suppose this is what most patients feel like going through their hip trips alone, without a BFF. I wonder if there is a way to create a “hip trip and then for life BFF” network? I’m aware that there are Facebook groups (that’s how she and I met) but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking one on one, same doctor, similar timeframes, patients truly interested in having this deep, profound connection to process and heal together. Did we land on a one-in-a-million relationship or can this be duplicated for others?

The Power of The BFF! I’m so grateful for you and I love you!

If you have landed on this page from an external link, please go HERE to read from the beginning. Otherwise, click on the next title below to continue.