Choice

The topic of choice in its many forms has been coming up a lot lately, a particularly this week. Politics in health, business, and personally at home as a parent – the whole gamut. Of course, I have thoughts on all fronts, but I’ve focused my energy on the family/parenting choices. On top of working through things logically and also trusting my gut, another tool includes me finding words of wisdom to help provoke deeper, different thought. Today I’m sharing some that I’ve collected over the last week or so.

Enjoy!

Reasoned Choice

“Stoicism teaches that we can’t control or rely on anything outside what Epictetus called our “reasoned choice”—our ability to use our reason to choose how we categorize, respond, and reorient ourselves to external events.”

– Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman, The Daily Stoic

That speaks to my highly logical side. I’m very good at separating emotions from facts in order to analyze methodically. This is typically Step 1 for me.

The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control. Where then do I look for good and evil? Not to uncontrollable externals, but within myself to the choices that are my own . . .

—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 2.5.4–5

Control the controllables, accept the uncontrollables. And, further, delegate to those that can control what I cannot and then let it go. 

Keep this thought at the ready at daybreak, and through the day and night—there is only one path to happiness, and that is in giving up all outside of your sphere of choice, regarding nothing else as your possession, surrendering all else to God and Fortune.

—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 4.4.39

Forcing things because it is what I want or see as a should, ignoring what is best, does not create joy. Sometimes it is best to give up the reins and sit back and listen, watch, give up control. Like this…

“This morning, remind yourself of what is in your control and what’s not in your control. Remind yourself to focus on the former and not the latter.

Before lunch, remind yourself that the only thing you truly possess is your ability to make choices (and to use reason and judgment when doing so). This is the only thing that can never be taken from you completely.

In the afternoon, remind yourself that aside from the choices you make, your fate is not entirely up to you. The world is spinning and we spin along with it—whichever direction, good or bad.

In the evening, remind yourself again how much is outside of your control and where your choices begin and end.

As you lie in bed, remember that sleep is a form of surrender and trust and how easily it comes. And prepare to start the whole cycle over again tomorrow.”

– Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman, The Daily Stoic

Choice is All We Have

We control our reasoned choice and all acts that depend on that moral will. What’s not under our control are the body and any of its parts, our possessions, parents, siblings, children, or country—anything with which we might associate.

—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 1.22.10

The only thing we truly control is our choice. We may think we control our bodies, but we ultimately do not. We may try to control our family members, but we cannot. Trying to control things that are not ours to control only results in upset, conflict, and dissonance. What if instead we approached everything outside of our realm of control, everything except our own reasoned choice, Judo style? Dance with the choices of others rather than butt heads? What if we listened carefully to the behaviors of our children to hear what they are really telling us?

Everything is Choice

And just because we can choose something, doesn’t mean we should. The following refers to different sorts of choices, but timely and relevant nonetheless. Sometimes the ability to “have it all” gets in the way of making the best decisions.

Here’s a recent piece from Seth Godin:

Decisions

With nearly a month of thought, we’ve made some decisions. Careful attention to factors, logic, gut feelings, what the behavior of our kids is telling us without them having the ability to articulate, differentiations between Can and Should, and ultimately reasoned choice aligned with hope. What’s the decision? We are pulling back, withdrawing from the farm, moving out of the Rainbow Treehouse, and making better plans as a family. These new choices feel great! They are our own, for ourselves, by ourselves.

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