Contentment

“Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.” This was another tiny framed quote my mom had in our house when I was a kid, just like “Bloom where you are planted.” I pondered this when I was young, not understanding what it meant, yet I read it over and over every day for years. This one was hanging in the kids’ bathroom – toothbrushing and philosophy at the same time. Brilliant, mom! As I learned to read, you planted the seeds…

And it is true. I’ve carried that message with me my whole life, unearthed and remembered at just the right times.

Our framed piece looked just like this one:

Happy Six Months

Having settled on my FINAL surgery-or-wait decision, this is the perfect time to sink into contentment. Today is exactly 6 months from the day we did the fusion surgery. This is the ideal time to sit with my waffles and review where I am, how far I’ve come, and what my expectations versus reality are. We may not be done yet, but we are so close, so this is the perfect time to spend with the “so close” parts, celebrating and enjoying every one of them.

11/12

We are 11/12 of the way through. While I am a forward looking person, and we ultimate expect perfection from this whole journey, I cannot forget that we have completed 11 of the 12 surgeries. This entire blog begins in the 11th hour, so now I get to spend more time savoring every part of what that means, what more I can accomplish during this “hour,” and celebrating all of the tabs I’ve tended to, leaving me free to focus on pure healing and progress, all forward momentum.

Some parts ARE perfect now! A couple are on their way still. And just ONE remains. That’s a lot of rainbow trails behind me, something to peek over my shoulder and enjoy. Contentment is a celebration!

Amen to that. I definitely desire and expect more at the end of my surgery/recovery journey, BUT, adjusting to enjoy what I have accomplished so far is important right now. Embracing a new level of patience, returning to gratitude for the gifts, I know I will get there. Contentment isn’t about settling and giving up, it is about being present and enjoying what exists right now while continuing to push forward.

It is quite impossible to unite happiness with a yearning for what we don’t have. Happiness has all that it wants, and resembling the well-fed, there shouldn’t be hunger or thirst.

– EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.24.17

Timeline of Expectation

This is what has tripped me up – expectation attached to a timeline. I’m throwing that away because it does not serve me or anyone else! Being upset about missing an (unrealistic) expectation does not make it hurry up and happen. It does not care what I feel or want. Instead, I’m trading that in for appreciation for all that I can do now and all that we have accomplished.

I can do a lot!

I can’t run up mountains yet, but I can hike them. And not only can I walk but I look forward to it for the first time in several years!

I can’t lift heavy in the gym yet, but I can lift something. I can work around my limitations and still make progress because something is better than nothing.

I can’t do the splits (never have I ever), but I am making gains with mobility and ROM as my hip capsules finally thaw. They aren’t done healing yet, but even so I’m the most flexible in my entire life.

After 6 months off, I can do yoga again!

I’m not totally comfortable 24/7, but I’m more comfortable each week and month. I’ve gone from “24/7 in pain” to “24/7 in discomfort.”

Six months ago I could barely get out of bed, there was searing pain in my abdominal muscles, I was overwhelmed by a constant rash, and mentally I was in a seemingly interminable twilight zone that I could not shake. I cannot forget this as I settle into contentment with my progress.

I’m at MOST

MOST is a lot more than where we started! I am so grateful for where we are now compared to where we started. The rest will come when it does. In the meantime, I won’t let expectation take away from the enjoyment of what I have now.

Contentment is my focus right now. I realize how much I already have and am so grateful. I begin each day with a written gratitude practice, so starting today I’m going to add a contentment practice, identifying the many gifts I already have.

Will you join me? Where can you find contentment today?

Thank you, mom, for the wise bathroom philosophy. I have never forgotten it.

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