Twenty Questions

Let’s play Twenty Questions today! Not exactly the classic game version, but instead I’m sharing and commenting on a list of questions I’ve landed on recently that have given me pause.

Let’s go…

I’m going to share the list first and then add my comments afterwards. That way if you want to copy/paste the list to work through them on your own (please do!) you will have a clean copy. Also, your thoughts won’t be influenced by mine.

These questions apply to most any area of life so consider each carefully. Take them on a date night to discuss with your significant other. Have a BFF day with them. Journal on them privately. Use them however you see fit, stretching yourself to be honest and true. Challenge yourself to GROW!

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Twenty Questions

1. Am I working at the right level? Do I need to zoom in or zoom out? – James Clear
2. How much of what you did today was simply due to inertia? Never get so busy that you forget to actively design your life. – Steph Smith
3. Is there a better way?
4. Is there a kinder way?
5. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?
6. Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?
7. How am I living with the results of other people’s thinking? – James Clear
8. What has life taught you recently?
9. How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want? – Jerry Colonna
10. Would you like to be married to you? – Edith Eger
11. What do you love doing so much that the words failure and success essentially become irrelevant? – Elizabeth Gilbert
12. What stories do I need to let go of so I can walk freely?
13. Why do we judge ourselves by our intentions but judge others by their actions?
14. If someone could only see my actions and not hear my words, what would they say are my priorities?
15. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
16. What personal prisons have you built out of fears?
17. Do those who love us, really love us, or do they simply love what they think we are?
18. Do you have a story to tell? What is that story?
19. What do you actually want?
20. What are the most sensible words uttered by a person that you have heard recently?

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Twenty Questions – My Thoughts and Answers

1. Am I working at the right level? Do I need to zoom in or zoom out?

I love this assessment. Seeing as I wrote two blog posts about it, it is clearly something I consider. Each “thing” is situational, requiring a zoom in, a zoom out, or both. In any case, how can one ever know if we are working at the right level? I keep on zooming and assessing.

2. How much of what you did today was simply due to inertia? Never get so busy that you forget to actively design your life.

I think our lives necessitate a blend. I’m constantly striving to make as many things as possible be by design, a tenet David and I have built our entire lives together and family on. Of course, we still have to take out the trash.

3. Is there a better way?

Always. Are we interested in finding it? Or embracing it and acting on it? It is easier to be complacent.

4. Is there a kinder way?

Most definitely. But kinder isn’t always easier or faster, so (totally guilty of this) we gravitate towards Swiftly Effective. Time for me to recalibrate and foster Better and Kinder.

5. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

So. Many. Things. Physically I’m improving, but the most important thing is seeing things differently. Seeing situations through other people’s lenses. This is a huge life shift!

6. Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?

I think we all stop short of asking enough questions. Although, how much is “enough”? Wouldn’t that be when we are satisfied and it matches what we want to hear? It is difficult to ask questions that push into what we don’t want to hear or don’t agree with.

7. How am I living with the results of other people’s thinking?

For me this is living with unwanted identities. Surgery related but also long held with my family.

8. What has life taught you recently?

That it takes courage to let go of perfection and instead embrace “good enough”. That is also art.

9. How are you complicit in creating the conditions you say you don’t want?

I need to think about this question some more. All day long about entire days. It’s a good one and I want to fully appreciate and own my part

10. Would you like to be married to you?

This question bowled me over when I read it. (If you’re not married, apply it to another close relationship or friendship.) We get so busy picking apart our mates, do we stop to consider ourselves in this manner? My answer is both yes and no. I’m going to think of this with the words I use and choices I make. This is an excellent date night conversation topic.

11. What do you love doing so much that the words failure and success essentially become irrelevant?

This guides me into thinking about what brings Flow. SO many things! Movement, running, workouts, art, writing, learning. To me, failure is success is failure.

12. What stories do I need to let go of so I can walk freely?

This one is easy – the heavy 25 year old family issues load I carried unnecessarily. (See link above.) Since putting that load down I feel SO FREE! Letting go seemed like it was “giving up” over all those years, but it turns out the letting go is actually “getting up”.

13. Why do we judge ourselves by our intentions but judge others by their actions?

Isn’t this interesting? Clearly, it is becuase we know our own intentions intimately and they come before an action, guiding it. Knowing this, why don’t we give others the same regard, seeking first to understand their intentions and giving grace when their actions didn’t align with their intentions? We are, after all, HUMAN.

14. If someone could only see my actions and not hear my words, what would they say are my priorities?

This one is fun to think about. The most anyone “hears my words” is probably through my writing here. I am my most verbose in writing, not the spoken word. So, my actions tell more than my words do – at least that is my perception. With that in mind, most people wouldn’t have a clue about my backstory and would simply see a driven, overly intense, goal-oriented woman. Family, personal goals, integrity – but not my story as to why.

15. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?

Interesting, right? Maybe because learning is hard? Maybe because we were taught in school to not make mistakes, that they were bad? I vote that we change the culture around making mistakes and reward those that make the most and learn the most from those mistakes. (Within reason, of course. I’m talking about honest effort and honest mistakes.)

16. What personal prisons have you built out of fears?

I’m going to spend more time with this one. Most of the things I think of are from years ago but there are some that are current and deserve more thought and personal honesty.

17. Do those who love us, really love us, or do they simply love what they think we are?

Wouldn’t it be interesting to be able to get into the minds of those who love us to see who they think we are? What is their image of us and how closely does it resemble who we regard ourselves to be? What are the similarities and differences? What do they see in us that we don’t and vice versa?

18. Do you have a story to tell? What is that story?

We ALL have a story to tell! The question I would add is “are you preserving it”? Once we die, what will your legacy be? Will you rely on the people who knew you to carry it and share your stories, or do you want to share it in your own words, preserved forever? Get to writing!

19. What do you actually want?

Like, REALLY want. With anything and everything in life. Are you being honest with yourself and taking action in that direction? If not, why not? Dig deep and be totally honest. Time to make a list!

20. What are the most sensible words uttered by a person that you have heard recently?

There are a lot of things to answer this with but my most recent lightning bolt moment came from Matt Haig, The Comfort Book, in this extremely short chapter that I mentioned a few days ago. For me, this is frame worthy. Having been in a season of life filled with intensity, these are the words I’ve needed.

OK, YOUR TURN!! Go spend time thinking through, writing, and sharing with someone close to you. Send me a comment or private text/email with one or more of your answers! Have the courage to be vulnerable and GROW!

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