Yesterday, Mason and I were talking about things that keep us up at night, wondering what each other thinks about on those nights when we wake up and can’t get back to sleep. It is an interesting time of night, where the world seems to be only as large as my bed, and the craziest stuff surfaces and takes over my brain for awhile. Sharing our middle of the night weirds with each other was entertaining and interesting!
Don’t Lose The Tired
The first part we agreed on is the law of “don’t lose the tired.” This is the art of getting up to use the bathroom quickly and gently so that you don’t wake up too much to be able to go back to sleep. When done well, you can even slip right back into where you placed a bookmark in your dream. BOOM!
Creativity
But, sometimes the tired gets lost and then the mind starts spinning. Sometimes it is productive and creative. For example, he may think through new strategies for a World Of Tanks battle or a brilliant Lego design idea or solution to a challenge he is stuck on.
For me, my middle of the night creative moments may include formulating a topic to write about in the morning, a new blog post for you. Pushing myself to write something new every day through this healing process is a challenge! I don’t pre-write, but rather wake up each morning with a blank page and see what happens, always getting that new writing posted, good, bad, whatever it may be. It’s fun pressure!
Craziness
Other times, the mental spinning is not productive at all, causing needless upset and worry. This is when fear, doubt, and uncertainty creep in and things get crazy.
Change
Our conversation led me to realize that since Integration Day my nights have totally changed. That massive life resolution has provided more freedom than I realized!
Now I have:
- Things that USED to keep me up at night.
- Things that wake me up at night.
- Stuff I’m figuring out.
Things that used to keep me up at night
For YEAARRRRRS I let my mind replay old arguments, ruminate on everything with my parents (remember Big Tab Two?), pile on loads of guilt for past mistakes, and end up wasting so much time in a dark hole rather than sleeping.
Can you relate to that?
Now that I’ve resolved my past, I haven’t had a single night of doing this. Holy freaking freedom!
These days, I feel pretty masterful in how I handle middle of the night thoughts. Now, when I have a night where I’m woken up and I’ve “lost the tired,” I do a quick self-guided relaxation exercise and get back to sleep pretty fast. I don’t have old mental demons haunting me anymore! I might have a recent disagreement pop up in my mind, but I’m able to set it aside to resolve in the morning. “Middle of the night brain” is not trustworthy for resolving emotional dilemmas.
Things that wake me up at night
I have three main things that wake me up at night. Two are temporary and one isn’t but I’m ok with it.
- Discomfort and pain. The metal plate and screws are uncomfortable, especially with lying still at night. This wakes me up every night so I typically get up, use the bathroom, and try to adjust back into some level of comfort to sleep some more.
- Sweat. Eww, I know. The metal allergy makes me sweat at night, so I have to change clothes.
- My cat. He’s awesome, but sometimes a dog will have eaten his food so he meowmeowmeows until I get up to feed him.
That’s it really! Annoyances, sure, but the first two will end in the next several months. Sometimes the dogs are barking or my daughter comes in for something, but they don’t ruin my night.
Stuff I’m figuring out
This may need its own post and I welcome your thoughts. As you know by now, an important foundational value for me is integrity. Alongside that lies honesty. I expect both not only from myself but also from those close to me. So, times when someone isn’t living within their integrity and has lied to me, it sits heavily on me. I’m working on how I handle it – both how I respond to the person and how I process it internally. I’m determined to not allow this to become a new middle of the night bother and instead have healthier resolution.
This.
How about you? What keeps you up at night? What weird, interesting, entertaining thoughts cross your mind? What demons come back to haunt you? What would you like to change about any of that?
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