Gifts Require Risks

I’m going to reference a few pieces out of context today in order to answer a question someone sent to me. It revolves around risks and my why, which ultimately boil down to the idea that gifts require risks.

Here’s the question…

Why have you you chosen to push through all of these surgeries and recoveries? Why not settle for a modified, ok, managed lifestyle?

First, anyone that knows me will cut that question off before it is even a complete thought in order to loudly proclaim – this girl doesn’t do “settle”. Ever. If there is a chance for something, an opportunity of any kind, I will take it.

Beyond that, I’ll entertain the question and explore the “why” behind it. I want to add understanding and value to my response and reasoning. This will also help clarify why I have such deep gratitude for the gift, and how that is my motivational driver.

Risk allows for the possibility of gifts:

Ida Benedetto is an Experience Director and Design Strategist dedicated to fostering insight through adventure and play, which has taken the form of games, rituals, gatherings, expeditions, research, and healing arts. Her projects are wildly creative and effective.

According to Ida, “no true gift is free of risk.” She defines risk as “a threat to one’s current state that could destabilize the way things are.” The risk is what allows for the possibility of the gift.
– Priya Parker, The Art of Gathering

Risk for Ida is within the context of creating meaningful experiences, but this definition is applicable across all aspects of life. Think about it – when have you had risk in life that yielded greater gifts because of it? Does it ring true?

For me, all of my surgeries and recoveries are exactly that. They all come with risk, and some have not yielded the expected gifts, at least not on an expected timeline, but in the end the gifts will be all the sweeter. I actually love that my journey has been longer and harder than planned for – my gifts are better and my gratitude for them is deeper!

This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, one of my attractions to ultra running, mountains, and everything dynamic in life:

Gifts require risks.

Here’s another way to view this question:

Every event has two handles—one by which it can be carried, and one by which it can’t. If your brother does you wrong, don’t grab it by his wronging, because this is the handle incapable of lifting it. Instead, use the other—that he is your brother, that you were raised together, and then you will have hold of the handle that carries.
– EPICTETUS, ENCHIRIDION, 43

Handle one is to “settle”. Handle two is the handle that carries, the one that heals, the one that provokes change. I’m choosing handle two, every time.

Five Useful Questions:

And finally, borrowing from and modifying Seth Godin’s blog post today – Five Useful Questions. Seth’s questions are in regards to business and not completely applicable as written so I’ll adapt them to my situation, modifying them for answering today’s reader question.

What’s the hard part?
How are you spending your time?
What do you need to know?
What’s the scary part?
Is it worth it?

1. The Hard Part

The hard part of deciding to forge onwards is the unknown. Will it ultimately work? I believe it will, plus if I don’t try, the alternatives aren’t simply “settling” – it is actually a short path to more destruction and disability. So, the hard part really isn’t all that hard.

2. Time

I’m spending my time controlling the controllables and rolling with the uncontrollables. There’s no room or purpose for anything outside of that.

3. Need to Know

I ask my questions. Right away, so I can get back to controlling the controllables. Ask, ask, ask!

4. The Scary Part

I suppose these would be the uncontrollables? Risk of death? I don’t spend time here, because what does that serve?

5. Worth

YES, it is WORTH IT!! All of it. I would never want to settle and spend the rest of my life wondering “what if I had tried?” The possible outcome justifies the work required to achieve the goal.

The risks involved make the gifts that much truer and sweeter.

The risks and work assure me I’m carrying the load by the correct handle.

The risks and questions show me the full value and worth of the requisite work.

This goes beyond being a go-getter, high-achiever, comfortable with risk, non-worrier. All models point to YES, do the surgeries and recoveries, because it will be worth it!