Give = Get

David and I had a fabulous kitchen conversation yesterday around the power of Not Yet, from yesterday’s post on How To Succeed, that wove its way into the topic of Give = Get. This topic has been on my “to-do list of topics to write about” for a few months, always leaving me with more questions than answers. So, maybe today I write about it and share my questions for you to decide for yourself? After all, today is Fight Procrastination Day – no joke!

Give = Get

When we give of ourselves, we always receive. Even if we have no motive other than to give purely, we still always receive. A full heart, joy, gratitude. David and I couldn’t think of a single instance where one gives willingly and doesn’t also receive. The idea of giving and wanting/expecting nothing in return can’t ever work out because in the end the giver will always receive.

Not Yet

Young children are too shortsighted to experience this. They are at Not Yet. They don’t yet know how to share and so are coerced to give, as practice, coerced into beginning to see the benefits of giving. Someday, we all get it, but David and I wondered when exactly this awakening of understanding occurs. Does this method of coercion even work?

Awakening

He and I both noted having repeated exposures to plenty of giving early in life, yet it wasn’t until young adulthood that we truly understood the power of giving of ourselves. I was SelfishTurd.com as a child, but somewhere along the way I have become exceptionally generous – I don’t care at all about the Get, I give from my heart.

David had to help care for a grandparent with Parkinson’s from ages 8-14. Constant exposure to the Give for someone he loved, yet he felt little joy or Get from these years. The joy of giving didn’t come until early adulthood. Now he is the most generous person I know, even to a fault. 

On the other hand, my oldest son has loved civic service and volunteering basically his whole life. I have watched him revel in the warm fuzzies of how good it feels to help others from the time he could talk.

Clearly it isn’t an age thing.

Choice?

Does it come with free will? If a person has full choice in the Give is that where the shift happens?

When my kids have had volunteer days or visit the old folks home days at school they dreaded it. They didn’t feel the joy at all – not before or after. Perhaps if there were more choice involved it would have been different?

How can we model that without coercion, especially for the very young children? How can we make it feel like their idea? Can we do it without bribery? Can the Give come without the question of “what do I get out of it?”

What if, as an experiment, kids were given an option between a Give day where they were told about the benefits they would receive as a result, and a Take day, one that would yield short-term personal gain but also illustrate the impact on whoever/whatever is taken from? Maybe they do both days to see and feel the difference first hand?

Getting Outside of Ourselves

Maybe the shift comes from times when we have been stuck inside ourselves, stressing over our lives and problems, and we noticed how much better we felt when getting outside of ourselves?

Give = Get Math

Every time we give we also receive. The act of one person giving helps at least one other (the Recipient/s) AND the Giver. This is awesome! Multiplication of joy! On the other hand, if we instead simply take, the only person that benefits is the Taker. And, depending on the situation, this could even be detrimental to the Taken From. This is not awesome. The former creates momentum of positivity in life, the latter, stagnation.

Law of Reciprocity

I suppose this is all the Law of Reciprocity in action, but that feels motivated by the Get. Giving for the purpose of the Get on the other end. Maybe this is where the shift begins?

I don’t have the answer to how and when this shift happens, what turns the lightbulb on for each of us. I do know the power of Give = Get and wish the world had more of it. And I do know it is a worthwhile endeavor to discover what will help flip the shift for each of my children.

What are your thoughts?

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