Amor Fati, a love of fate. This is a tough one. I am on board with embracing obstacles as the way, even obstacles as a gift, but going a step further and fully loving things that happen? Let’s explore.
Amor Fati Resources
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“Something happened that we wish had not. Which of these is easiest to change: our opinion or the event that is past?
The answer is obvious. Accept what happened and change your wish that it had not happened. Stoicism calls this the “art of acquiescence”—to accept rather than fight every little thing.
And the most practiced Stoics take it a step further. Instead of simply accepting what happens, they urge us to actually enjoy what has happened—whatever it is. Nietzsche, many centuries later, coined the perfect expression to capture this idea: amor fati (a love of fate). It’s not just accepting, it’s loving everything that happens.
To wish for what has happened to happen is a clever way to avoid disappointment because nothing is contrary to your desires. But to actually feel gratitude for what happens? To love it? That’s a recipe for happiness and joy.”
– Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman, The Daily Stoic
Amor Fati Applied
In my own life, I can 100% apply amor fati to my surgeries and recoveries. My initial, deeply visceral reaction to the diagnoses and massive surgical plans were gratitude and love for the gifts of it all. It has been a wild ride for sure, but it is all purposeful and leading me to my very best self. Feeling love for it has made it bearable, even weirdly fun. Amor fati.
But what if something terrible happened to a family member or friend like a murder or fatal car accident at the hands of drunk driver? Something senseless and lethal? Could I love that?? Wow. I don’t know. I could move into accepting it because there’s really no other choice – what’s done is done. But to love it?
Perhaps this is the way to true forgiveness and joy moving forward? Unloading heavy burdens of sadness and anger? Because, after all, holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Does find the way to loving something truly horrific set a person free? We are each responsible for how we feel about anything and everything in life, so to choose love over all, is that the key?
What do you think?
Where do you fall with the concept of not just accepting what happens, but truly, deeply loving it? Amor Fati or no?
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