I’m pausing on secret weapons to share one of the many gifts of my family. As I wrote about in Trust Your Gut, Choice vs Effort, Choice, Be Here Now, Framework, Experience Experiment – (ok, in collecting these links I’ve just now realized how much time and thought I’ve been putting into this. Bravo to me because that was the point!) we have been working through some changes. As an experienced mom, I’ve learned over the years to listen more closely to my children’s behavior. It is their way of expressing their feelings when they are not yet able to articulate with words. And, so, this past month plus has been a time for careful listening and observing, free from judgment, open minded, unhurried. The result is a change that feels great and is coming together beautifully. The “coming together beautifully” part is where the gorgeous gift of my family as a unit comes into play, the art of acquiescence, aiming for infinity and beyond.
Mom Marketing
This is YES. Such a simple but powerful difference, one that kids pick up on in an instant. It is so easy as a mom to get excited for my kids, showing them opportunities, classes, experiences that are really cool – to me, but seemingly for them. Guided by my own excitement to give them these opportunities, I’ve removed the element of choice and space for them to build their own excitement.
“I found this awesome _____ class for you! I know you love that so I signed you up, it starts next week. Aren’t you excited?”
vs
“I know you love _____. How about we find more opportunities for you to do that? Let’s look together, I have some resources.”
Clarity
Sometimes things aren’t as clear as this. Last year Willa had a ball at the farm. It was her Nirvana. We made the decision to enroll her three days a week this year and get a second home nearby based on that experience. That was purely us listening to her behavior, her words, and the feedback from teachers.
But things change.
The universe is change. Life is opinion.
—MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 4.3.4b
And so we listened and watched and made new decisions, sooner rather than later, as painful as they were. It kind of stinks to have to face that things aren’t going as hoped, to see your previously joyful child unhappy, to realize that just as we finished moving in we now need to backpedal and undo it all. But, putting things off doesn’t fix them or ease the situation. Just rip that band-aid off and give time and space for the right things to come into our lives!
And so we did.
The Art of Acquiescence
Once the decision was made, we all got to work on the steps to undo and therefore move forward. No regret, no upset, no backward looking, no judgment, blame, or anything negative whatsoever. Instead, it has been a beautiful display of the art of acquiescence, a time filled with forward looking, gratitude for having tried and learned, recognition of the value of it all, an understanding that we can apply whatever opinion we choose. We’ve individually chosen positivity, joy, and opportunity – add this together and we have a recipe for togetherness, an immediate piece of evidence to me that we made the best decisions.
The many roadblocks that were there, muddying the path, disappeared.
He was sent to prison. But the observation ‘he has suffered evil,’ is an addition coming from you.
—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.8.5b–6a
The farm didn’t work out. Fact.
Our opinion of that and everything tied to it is our choice. When I tell people that we are pulling out, moving out, the whole situation, 100% of people reply with some sort of disappointment. Maybe that is how they would feel? Maybe that is how they decide we ought to/should/might/probably feel so they are replying in kind?
It isn’t.
To Infinity and Beyond
Just as I relate to my surgeries and recoveries as gifts, this, too, is a gift. This is the art of acquiescence, the ability to not only accept what is, but to go beyond and to embrace it, run with it, love it, and find the new gifts within, to fly to our own infinity and beyond.
Your time is better spent championing good ideas than tearing down bad ones.
The best thing that can happen to a bad idea is that it is forgotten. The best thing that can happen to a good idea is that it is shared.
Feed the good ideas and let bad ideas die of starvation.
– James Clear
Dear Family
I am proud of us. We support each other in our experiments and adventures, always there to help each other if things don’t turn out as hoped, ready to discover new, better paths, full of joy and purpose. As I always say, the obstacle is the way. Our way is to infinity and beyond and living that idea together is beautiful.
Love, Me
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Carey, I couldn’t agree more. When I grew up our family would lament the drama of things not going well. I still to this day have a hard time letting go my mistakes. I’m super glad that we are showing the kids a new path one that isn’t filled with shame. We just went down a path that didn’t workout. Ok! Let’s go here.! Love you and kids so much. We have made such a wonderful life. Where is our next path leading? I can’t wait to see
Yes, exactly! We can decide how to feel about things and how to move forward. I love that we are taking all of that energy that could have been spent being upset and channeling it forward. There are so many more incredible adventures to go on together! We can take the good from each one, no matter the outcome, and move onward and upward into the next.