People ask me what my secret sauce is and I struggle with finding a concrete answer for them. Mindset? Concepts of Stoicism? Wisdom I’ve gained from difficult life experiences/sports/music that lend perspective? Personality? Genetics? Toolbox? All of these? None of these?
I have a new idea that may add clarity, and this surely falls into the Perspective and Mindset category, but it is a simple shift that anyone can adopt instantly, independent of previous life experiences or anything else.
AND vs. BUT
And is a word of inclusion, of added benefit, of more.
But is a word of exclusion, lack, disappointment.
While going through all of these surgeries and recoveries is certainly not “fun” or something I’d encourage anyone to hurry up and sign up for, there are benefits. Not just the obvious “when this is over” benefits, but extra special, hidden benefits all along the way. Opportunities for fun, adventure, something new, different experiences and perspectives BECAUSE of it. ANDventures. Admittedly, it has taken extra energy to shift, but committing to action changes how I feel, so, I GO. In every single instance, there has been opportunity, all because of a simple shift to AND.
Here’s a typical BUT statement:
We are going ________ BUT I cannot walk so I won’t be able to participate. That sucks, poor me.
THAT sucks. Forget that! Reframe, because the obstacle is the way!
Here are my AND statements and actual experiences:
We are going camping AND I’m unable to run/hike/walk, so I’ll spend more time Jeeping with my boys instead. We will get to finally tackle some trails we’ve always wanted to do.
We are going camping AND I’m still not able to run, so I’ll teach my oldest son how to navigate technical trails in my Jeep. Teaching him will be a highlight!
I want to participate in a local ultra AND I’m on crutches, so I’ll volunteer and get to spend way more time with friends and the community instead, filling my heart with joy and giving back. This grows into volunteering at every event for the remainder of 2020, a 4-day camping outing with my younger son at a 200-miler, and new lifelong friends. Priceless.
I want to participate in a landscape photography workshop I’ve been eyeing for several years AND I’m not as mobile at the start as I’d like to be, unable to access some of my favorite spots, so I’ll stay local and capture the beauty that is right across the street and easily accessible. View the full gallery here.
The boys and I want to go camping at The Great Sand Dunes AND the climb up and in proves to be more than any of us is prepared for, so we stop right here for the night and I capture these images. 7°F at night and an 8-hour shoot while sleeping on a dune, it turns out to be our favorite camping trip together ever. View the full gallery here.
…and because we truncated our time in the dunes by a day, we had time to visit the crazy crocodile preserve, witnessing turtles humping and pooping, and the UFO Watchtower right up the street. Favorite memories for life!
I want to run my favorite trails AND my body isn’t ready, so I take my daughter on magical quests in search of Uni the Unicorn instead. Experiencing her joy and wonder is a delight like nothing else. I treasure these days!
I am hired to photograph art walls in Kansas City AND I’m not mobile enough to take on the entire task, so I decide to take my whole family since my boys are also interested in photography and we shoot the project together. It turns into a birthday weekend for my husband, reconnecting with family I hadn’t seen in years, LEGOLand fun, and more connections with my boys. Win! View the gallery here.
I want to run my favorite trails AND my body still isn’t ready, so I take my younger son hiking to the tops of local mountains, goals he’s had since he was 6 years old. This proves to be way more fun than a solo run, and he feels accomplished. These are gifts for both of us.
I want to participate in an 8-week Power Zone Challenge group on the Peloton AND I’m fresh out of surgery/will be having surgery partway through, unable to complete the challenge as written, so I decide to do what I can and make the most of that. I also decide to lead a few groups since I have experience leading groups. This gives me purpose and joy in helping people achieve their goals.
I want to participate in a virtual event to run Every Damn Trail in my county AND my body is far from ready, so I decide to walk Every Damn Street instead and in the process work through a ton of emotional/historical crap, get my head on straight, and begin processing how to share my story. ~175 miles of shuffling and thinking.
My doctor has asked me to stagnate (be still) after this last surgery AND simply lying around watching Netflix all day bores me to tears, so I decide to knit the largest item I’ve ever knit while watching Netflix and gift it to him, a gesture of gratitude and 4-week meditation on stillness and healing.
My body hurts every single day AND reminds me that I am alive and grateful for the gift or repair and healing. I’m more than just my physical self, so I decide to make the most of this time and develop myself in other ways, working to become the best version of myself, complete, whole. I create personal challenges, journal, write, read, connect with people in new and deeply meaningful ways, examine my life, learn, all during time that would have been spent in movement.
The list goes on AND on.
These have been my (mostly) physical ANDventures that have supplemented the PT and tools and workouts, all possible because of AND, and imperative for me and my family. Nearly three years is a long time to stay under the heavy, relentless load of surgery/recovery/problems/repeat. It makes for a not fun me and a frustrated family.
An AND attitude breaks free from that, so long as I stay in my lane. It has also taught me to find other pieces of joy in places where I formerly was always serious – hello trails I trained on…now I know where unicorns live next to those same trails! All of this ANDing helped me loosen my tight grip on the serious job of healing and find new balance that I will take with me moving forward. These have all been unexpected gifts that I will treasure forever.
What can you AND today? Go do it!
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