We are trying an experiment with our daughter. She’s growing up in a world filled with excessive consumerism and media and we see it effecting her negatively. Her days at farm school, all outdoors, completely analog – even these are not enough to detach the deeply planted seeds that media and the desire to buy and covet have planted. The farm is wonderful, but we had been allowing her to bookend her days with curated games and shows on her iPad – a huge pull for her to zone out. Aka Shut Down. A few weeks ago I pulled the plug on all of it and upped my mom game with an Experience Experiment.
How is it going? Read on…
First Order of Business
I put the iPad away. Completely. I explained to her that it was time to take a break and do other things instead. She gets to use mine for about 20 minutes each day, time we spend together on Khan Academy Kids, a most excellent learning app.
Surprisingly, the pushback was minimal! She ran off to play with toys – you know, those things we buy that pile up, forgotten, a huge mess.
Next, whenever she and I have been in the car, 99% of the time we’ve kept the music off. We love music and she loves singing, but I wanted to instead use the time to connect, talk, play car games, etc. This has turned out to be the most creative time of all.
Creativity
Since beginning the Experience Experiment, I have watched her flourish, especially with her creativity. The easy choice with boredom is to fill it with mind-numbing media, but there’s no creativity there. Since beginning the Experience Experiment she has made more drawings than ever before, built more Lego creations and forts, come up with more stories and play ideas. She is savoring her activities.
Children don’t stay bored for long. This is where they get a spark and go create. A touch of boredom is important!
Car Creativity
With the music off, she has mental space to think with only the visual input of the world around her. This has proven to be a huge spark for creativity and curiosity for her. Yesterday she was noticing the churches when we were driving through downtown Denver – how many there are, how beautiful the stained glass is, how different each one is. Then questions about what it’s like to live in a city, thoughts and discussions about why we should move into the city, comparisons of the different lifestyles.
This would have never happened if we were listening to Disney Princess movie soundtracks or Women of Pop Spotify playlists for the 2398472938749th time. OMG, my ears are so grateful!
The conversation is interesting! She is interesting!
Restaurant Night
A few minutes after talking about churches, she came up with the idea of having a restaurant dinner at home. As in, cook food at home but pretend it’s a restaurant. Make a menu, mom is the chef and waitress, dad brings the flowers, she sets up the table and candles, a whole creative production.
Alive Time
The Experience Experiment is turning out to be even better than I envisioned. Her creativity is on fire, imagination sparked, and there is new joy in her days. Time that was previously spent checking out, tuning out, is now spent as her most alive time each day.
Rich Experiences
It could be coincidental timing with her natural growth, but I think there’s more to this here. Lately I’ve been taking her to places like the Denver Zoo, Children’s Museum, Meow Wolf, visiting Lucas at college, etc. – places built on experiences rather than consumption. Not toy aisles. Being unplugged and having her mind sparked as it is right now, she is savoring and sinking into each experience. Previously she would rush through it all, hurrying to get to the end. Now, she is lit up, curious to know more about each animal at the zoo, interested in learning what happens when she tries experiments at the museum, truly focused and present, savoring what each experience has to offer.
This makes my heart sing.
Experience Experiment
I’m going to call this a wild success, moving it from Experiment to Way To Live. There’s no reason whatsoever to return to the way we were parenting before. It is interesting to note that what we thought was ok – iPad and media that is made for kids – was actually hugely negative. This simple change, a return to a more normal childhood, is the best gift we are giving her. And us.
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David Tyler Martin
Love the post Carey. We both agree that we grew up happy and healthy without all this. Restaurant night was so fun. Willa was happy she made it all happen. ❤️😍❤️ There will never be enough time for real connection like this.