Last Times

At some point in our lives we do everything for the last time. Some are obvious (last day of High School), some are welcome (last push birthing a baby), and others are bittersweet (the last time you pick up and carry your growing child), or downright sad (final time you tell someone you love them before they pass). Some are planned, some go completely unnoticed, and others are surprises. Today I’m preparing for a Last Time milestone in my life…

…escorting Lucas to college tomorrow.

While he moved out several months ago, this is our do-over to uncouple in the way we both really want. A chance to have that last time moment of childhood transitioning into young adulthood.

Last Times -> First Times

The beautiful part about this Last Time is that it is also a new First Time. And the beginning of a whole series of first times. Because of this, I’m elated more than nostalgic, full of hope and excitement for his future.

Watch this video from Kurzgesagt:

A pertinent piece for him is in regard to the age when you leave home, pointing out that “If you’re making an effort to be with your parents for two full weeks each year for the rest of their lives…you still have already spent more than 90% of the time you will ever spend with them, even if they grow pretty old…The vast majority of the time you have spent with you parents has passed. The same holds true for your siblings.”

These numbers are striking to me. Thinking of my own experience and relationship to my parents, the percentiles make sense, but they definitely don’t align with the quality and maturity of the relationship we have now, even accounting for the years of disconnect we had.

Perspective

I think if I had learned the perspective the video offers I may have done things differently. I wonder what Lucas’ reaction will be?

You’re at the tail end of the time with some of the most important people in your life.

– Kurzgesagt, The Tail End

The general perspective this video offers is powerful for all of us, but especially so at this important milestone and life transition. College is a new realm, a blank slate upon which to create a whole life, an opportunity to grab onto anything your heart desires, meet new people, experience the world. It is an enormous dose of First Times built upon the special Last Time we will have tomorrow.

I think I will get this calendar for him to put on his blank dorm wall. I love the visual it provides, a powerful reminder to make each moment, day, week, year count.

Lucas, I am proud of you for enduring and making the best of your forced gap year and turning your attention back to your intended life path. It is difficult to overcome momentum and inertia like that. May it be the last time you have to do that and may you embrace this new First Time fully.

Moments like these make me savor life. Because we have bookends – life and death – I have greater appreciation for all that happens in-between.

What do last times and first times make you feel like?

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