Unplugging

Hi, my name is Carey, and I’m recovering from a “mild behavioral addiction”, aka tech addiction.

For years, I was sucked into and married to my tech devices (computers/phones/tablets/watches/anything with a badge to win) to the detriment of myself, my family, and my friendships. I created a whole world that kept me busy, seemingly productive, yet still a completely functioning member of my family/society/real world. It was a world where I was balanced enough to go through the motions each day, do a good job, but I wasn’t growing as a person, going above and beyond as a wife/mom/friend – I was stagnating.

So busy every day, checking email, text messages, news, Pinterest, cycle back again, check, check, check, give me a hit of dopamine…there was no time left for other, far better things. I was entirely too busy being distracted with doing absolutely nothing.

What a waste of time!

Not only was I going nowhere, but it was an awesome barrier for facing larger life issues that I knew I needed to eventually tend to. All of my tech was a pacifier that allowed me to be too busy to do the important things in my life. What a load of crock!

I’d tell myself and others:

“But I’m reading the news, I’m staying informed!”
“I’m tracking my workouts.”
“I’m helping someone (via text at the dinner table), hold on!”
“I need to check if so-and-so emailed back.”
My favorite – “I’m doing research.”

I’ve been off of social media for years so this all seemed productive, helpful, and ok. Ish.

Round and round, check check check check swipe check.

The WATCH

The phone definitely had its grip on me but my attachment to the watch was the worst of all.

To illustrate how ridiculously attached I was to my watch and the fitness/activity tracking on it, I went so far as to have a hospital nurse aide wear my watch for awhile after one of my early surgeries in order to get my activity rings to close for the day since I was unable to get up and move on my own.

I’m not kidding.

I had a streak to maintain and needed my daily dose of Watch Approval! Then I learned by accident the next day that if I just wave my arm around for about 30 seconds it tracks that as “stand” time. Have you ever seen someone wearing an Apple Watch just waving their arm around? I have, so I know I’m not the only one chasing rings.

How ridiculous.

But, I did that from July, 2018 through Oct., 2020 on days when I couldn’t close my rings naturally. Wave, wave, wave. (Knitting works, too, also learned by accident.) 825 days straight.

Ultimately, I didn’t want to have to face the things I needed to face in order to grow through to the other side, courageously live out my audacious goals, my radical self-love motive, massively transformative purposes, deliver art, and risk. But, I knew letting go of this was what I needed to do in order to be a whole person and ultimately heal myself. That stuff is real, vulnerable, and scary. Staying buried in busy is easy.

Enter the Best Monthly Challenge Ever…

The Screentime Challenge!

As I mentioned earlier, 2020 was the year of monthly challenges. Physical, personal, provoking growth, outreach to others, you name it. The one that was the most impactful for me was October – The Screentime Challenge! I had this one on my “don’t say it out loud” list for a year or so, it was so needed and painful to commit to, but the time was ripe.

This is an offshoot of minimalism, clearing the way for the things that really matter, getting rid of the clutter and noise and distractions and really facing what is real, meaningful, and what I’d been hiding from in the name of “being busy”. After spending 8+ months digging into the practices and mindset of minimalism as a whole, I knew it was time to tackle the realm of digital decluttering.

I decided to commit and do this after hearing an episode of The Minimalists’ podcast, Digital Clutter, with author of Digital Minimalism, Cal Newport. The Minimalists talk about digital minimalism from time to time, but this was the driver for me to finally do this thing. And, best of all, take friends along for the ride! Because, really, don’t we all need some of this in our lives? Of course, I also read Newport’s book.

How did it work?

I gathered a group of friends into a text group and sent out daily challenges that I created. It started with simply turning on the Screentime features in our phones/iPads/computers to track our usage for three days – we needed to know where we were starting from in order to map out how to get to where we want to go; that’s how mapping works. The goal here wasn’t to declare blanket limits, but rather to notice how we each used our devices and then define individually what is appropriate for each device. For example, some used devices for work, others did not. Some used their devices for reading, some used social media for fun, some used social media for work, some didn’t use social media at all (me) – the combinations are limitless, so deciding what our ultimate goals were had to be individual.

The daily challenges were often difficult. Here are a few examples:

• Get real with your habits
• Define your Why
• Turn off all notifications
• Delete apps that are time sucks (News, social media, etc.)
• Set family hours where no devices are allowed for anyone
• Get devices out of the bedroom
• Ban phubbing
• Many deep discussions about the impact on our kids
• and a 24-hour no tech day at the end.

The results of the Screentime Challenge were profound!

I was no longer in a never-ending checkcheckcheck loop and I set up functional boundaries for myself regarding timeframes for using devices and functions for each device. My phone now has no notifications whatsoever except the ability for the phone to actually ring. It lives out of sight and I only pick it up if I have a real reason to use it. I ditched the Apple Watch and replaced it with a beautiful tick-tock watch that brings me joy. I deleted time-suck apps like News and Pinterest. And, we’ve instituted a weekly family 24-hour screen free period.

Not only did I free myself from the tethers I created, but it has had an incredible domino effect in every area of my life. Of all the challenges I’m sharing, this one has had the most far-reaching impact.

It launched me into mental clarity and focus.

It launched me into writing creative fitness programs again.

It launched me into listening to podcasts, which opened up a whole world of learning.

It launched me into reading more books. A LOT of books!

It launched me into writing, beginning with the Gratitude Journal. As you saw yesterday, I started out petrified to write anything in my own private book and now I’m sharing publicly on this blog, writing every day. That’s some powerful growth!

It launched me into reconnecting in meaningful ways with my parents and beginning a healing journey with them.

It launched me into cultivating local friendships, gatherings, play dates, initiating conversations everywhere I go rather than having my nose in a phone screen.

It launched me into spending time with my kids device-free, attention on them, being fully present.

It launched calm and room to breathe.

It launched courage.

It launched presence, purpose, and direction.

It launched me into reconnecting with myself.

It launched me into doing the real work I have needed to do in order to finally heal and recover from every part of this entire surgery journey.

If any of this feels like a mirror to you, I encourage you to be brave and do this for yourself, too. If anyone is interesting in going through a month of the Screentime Challenge, please let me know. I would love to lead another group through it!

…digital minimalism is much more than a set of rules, it’s about cultivating a life worth living in our current age of alluring devices.

Cal Newport, Digital Minimalism

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