Here we are a few days shy of one year post-op from surgery number 12, the one that was to be THE ONE to fix it all and finally give me my physical freedom. At one year we always do an X-ray to check on progress, and based on previous X-rays over this past year this should have been a good visit. Yet, it was not. Instead I am crushed.
I actually had that visit on 8/23, about a week and a half ago now, but I needed some time to get myself together before sharing.
Things are most definitely not healed. We did an MRI and got confirmation that not only is there 0% fusion but there is other bony and soft tissue damage.
Here’s a screenshot of the X-ray. The pubic joint space should be solid white by now.
The MRI results were validating for what I have been feeling so I suppose there is that positive element. Yay? The report is several pages long. 🙁
Needless to say, receiving this news was crushing. I felt angry that another year has been wasted. Time is precious and we are now into the sixth year of working on this. SIXTH YEAR!! I’m missing out on so much due to so many surgery and recovery cycles. On top of that, the false hopes I lived with that could have instead been directed at better methods. It made me really, really mad.
At the same time, I focused again on my gratitude. I have all my limbs, all my mental faculties, all my senses, my health is super otherwise. My family is healthy, we have a wonderful home, we live in a safe environment, and I have access to care that will help get this fixed. How fortunate I am!
It took me this week and a half to work through my own in-the-moment feelings to get back to the big picture and full gratitude. It is a tough battle to face such divergent feelings! I needed to be mad and crushed for a little bit. And that’s ok!
What’s Next?
In about another week and a half I am meeting with a new doctor, one that specializes in non-unions. It is likely that we will need to repeat the surgery and put in another metal plate and screws, one that doesn’t contain nickel. I am wishing for another solution because the first plate and screws led to a really terrible time for me. I’m somewhat traumatized from that experience. But, I won’t know anything until we meet so I’m setting it down until then. We have life to live here – homeschooling starts again next week, activities are picking up again, we have a 16th birthday at our house to prep for. Life is busy and it is pretty darn good!
Stay tuned for what comes next!
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